mirror mirror

Body image. Lets get intuit.

I was raised as a young woman inside of society. I hit puberty in the 90’s where criticism on women’s bodies were INSANE. My household was the same. My mothers weight flucuated and was always a topic of conversati0n. Not the fact that she was a single mother working 3 jobs and raising 3 kids, post divorce and her ex paid barely anything in child support- that was never the topic- her weight was. As was my sister’s and mine, never my brothers.

My father put a high pedastal on beauty. Always wanting to obtain his love my sister and I (14 year age gap) developed our own very different disordered eating. I myself was a purger. It helped me obtain standardized goals while developing a since of control. I was horrifically bullied in every school I attended - control felt really needed, really good.

See I was born with curves. Midsize since womb over here. In a different era my body type for a woman was ideal. Short curvy - perfect for baby making. Which according to the patriarchy we live inside (still) is my only function inside of the world. But you tell a 12 year old who is being bullied about her appearance and abilities as well as being withheld love that they are beautiful and special and none of the criticism matter.

I did my work, I “recovered”. Ironically I went into a field that was all about bodies. I became a massage therapist. Over my long career bodies became normal. every shape, size, ability, we all have meat suits. We all have or had something we criticized at one point. Massage therapy showed me every BODY is equally beautiful- and honestly …equally gross! But our bodies are so smart, and so kind to us- even when it feels like it is holding us back, or even at times attacking us. Our bodies sole function inside this world is to keep us moving forward. To save and help us. It is our protector. It can be our coach and ally. But, it can equally become an enemy. It all rests in the stories we hold inside them, and that we tell ourselves. Our bodies are constantly trying to give us messages, and a lot of times we ignore them, or dont want to look in the mirror, afraid of what we may see.

The whole point I share snidbits of my making is to share this : embodiment is hard. Embodiment is a journey, one we all face. In the society we are raised in- it takes effort. Acceptance comes in waves. Some days are filled with joy, acceptance, and harmony. Others, disgust, and judgement. No day is right or wrong. It is just a day. A lesson. A vessel.

Yet, we must find our tools that help us to see ourselves. We have to find the things that help us unearth our secrets we have stored in our bodies, so we can hold on to wellness. So we can become resourced and find : are these negative voices ours, or something we learned. Change is a difficult thing to create when we have developed scar tissue around our wounds. But know this world - everything we have, want, or need we recieve thourgh our bodies. They give us this life. And its time to honnor them back, even if that is easier said than done.

A mirror is a powerful tool. I challenge to look in it. Deeply. To look inside. What are you holding? What do you see? How can you free yourself and live openly the life you deserve today? Come to yourself and your body with curiosity instead of criticism. See if there is a deep knowing to uncover there. And lets notice and see what you choose to do with it.

By: Cameron Lacy