Seasons of change

I love the fall. I love September. It is the beginning of the end of the year. The wind down. Slowly it gets cooler, slower, cozier. Plus, my birthday is in September so- I am biased.

September has always been a month of transitions for me. This year not only will I be celebrating my birthday, but also my daughters. Two years with such an amazing person I am lucky enough to be mother to. Watching her come into herself year after year has been such a blessing. I watch her change, and evolve, and I do as well, right alongside her.

This is also the first year of my fathers death. One entire year has gone by since his earthly departure. I always thought I knew how I would react to his death. We were prepared, for years, that’s what liver failure is like. I didnt take it in any way I anticipated. There were so many things happening all at once, and suddenly he was gone. No matter your relationship (and mine wasn’t great) when you lose a parent something inside you shifts. I took it as most do with grief. Slowly, and suddenly all at once. It is still changing me.

September is my New Years. So naturally I can’t help but think about where I was a year ago, and where I am now, Where i would like to be a year from now. Last year was so difficult for so many reasons. I found my way to therapy, and got back to a solid support system. But there are still struggles, and pain. But three weeks ago, honestly that recently… I was in Lake Michigan with my family. My husband and two girls were playing on the beach, and I decided to swim out in the water for some sollace. I was swimming back, just watching them all playing together. I realized in that moment. I prayed for this. This moment in time. I manifested it. I haven’t been able to see it. I have been in such a whirlwind of change and transitions. I have only focused on the negative. I forgot that we have the negative so we can accept and see the positive.

Last year, I was so buried in grief and life transitions, I forgot to see how many things I actually have. Things I have always wanted. I don’t know if it is getting older, being a mother, losing my father or what…But this year, looking back, I am learning to be present. Dont get too far ahead, plans are never real, they are ideas. Dont live for ideas, live for moments. The ones you have now.

Thank you to all of my life transitions. You have made me who I am. And I am here. FULLY.

-cameron